I've been depressed the past few days. Who knows why, depression... hormones... having cancer... take your pick. I just want to shake myself and say "Snap out of it!!" but I don't know how to do that. Oh and add that I'm beyond broke, and my bills are all behind, after I worked so hard earlier this year to get them caught up. Having surgeries and being out of work to recover really hit my income hard, and now I have another surgery coming up. That's another reason why I'm depressed.
When I met with the orthopedic oncologist, he said he would do the surgery outpatient, using a nerve block and I would go home the same day. A few days ago his office called to tell me the date of the surgery, and the girl said he had me scheduled for two days in hospital. WTF? I'm hoping they just got me mixed up with someone else, but maybe they've decided the surgery would be more in depth? I don't know. I just know that I've been away from the whole "cancer patient" thing for a while and I've actually spent hours a day not thinking about it, but having another surgery looming just brings it all back that I am not normal or healthy. And of course, this little demon voice just keeps whispering about the tumor "it's melanoma... it's spread". I don't want to believe it, and I want that voice to shut the hell up, but it's there and not going away until I have the surgery.
I keep trying to call the dr's office to ask why my outpatient surgery has suddenly morphed into a two day hospital stay, but the stupid girl never seems to be there and I don't want to leave a message. I just want to talk to a human and not have them transfer me or take a message. I wish I could speak to my doctor personally but the odds of that happening aren't very high.
Tomorrow I get to start with a brand new primary doctor since the health center dumped me after finding out I had cancer. Let's see if this doctor runs screaming, too.
The only good news lately is that we got a new kitten. A new family member. We've been ready for a new kitty for years, and we've always said when the timing is right, the kitten will appear. Most of the kitties we've gotten have been from people giving away kittens at the Winn Dixie in High Springs, but we haven't seen anyone giving kittens away there in probably 5 yrs or more. Suddenly last weekend a lady was there with a box full of cuteness. I've wanted an orange kitty forever, but she didn't have an orange one, only an orange and white one. I almost took it, but then decided to wait. Then, not an hour later, I went to the Dollar Store and there was someone there with a box of kittens too! And two of them were orange... Snap! I felt like the universe was saying HERE'S YOUR KITTY! So even though they were girl kitties, I took one.
Her name is Arya, from Arya Stark of Winterfell in the Game of Thrones books. Denise and I both fell in love with the character and it seemed the perfect name. The Arya from the books is a real little scrapper, and this little girl that we have is living up to her name for sure. The boys are not happy at all that there's a new cat in the house, and they've been using my bedroom as the "man cave" but Ari has learned how to barge her way into the man cave which causes lots of hissing and batting of paws. She's pretty fearless and has even smacked back at Bid when he smacked her. She's decided that Deni is her mom and she sleeps on her every night. She's SO adorable, I just can't help but smile when I look at her.
So we are a full house now. When we get a kitty, we have them for life. I'm a little nervous about having a girl, though. I've never had a girl so I don't know if there's anything different about them. I just want to get her fixed asap and hopefully that will be all I need to do.
Please excuse the tv in the background. The voice is Deni.
When I met with the orthopedic oncologist, he said he would do the surgery outpatient, using a nerve block and I would go home the same day. A few days ago his office called to tell me the date of the surgery, and the girl said he had me scheduled for two days in hospital. WTF? I'm hoping they just got me mixed up with someone else, but maybe they've decided the surgery would be more in depth? I don't know. I just know that I've been away from the whole "cancer patient" thing for a while and I've actually spent hours a day not thinking about it, but having another surgery looming just brings it all back that I am not normal or healthy. And of course, this little demon voice just keeps whispering about the tumor "it's melanoma... it's spread". I don't want to believe it, and I want that voice to shut the hell up, but it's there and not going away until I have the surgery.
I keep trying to call the dr's office to ask why my outpatient surgery has suddenly morphed into a two day hospital stay, but the stupid girl never seems to be there and I don't want to leave a message. I just want to talk to a human and not have them transfer me or take a message. I wish I could speak to my doctor personally but the odds of that happening aren't very high.
Tomorrow I get to start with a brand new primary doctor since the health center dumped me after finding out I had cancer. Let's see if this doctor runs screaming, too.
The only good news lately is that we got a new kitten. A new family member. We've been ready for a new kitty for years, and we've always said when the timing is right, the kitten will appear. Most of the kitties we've gotten have been from people giving away kittens at the Winn Dixie in High Springs, but we haven't seen anyone giving kittens away there in probably 5 yrs or more. Suddenly last weekend a lady was there with a box full of cuteness. I've wanted an orange kitty forever, but she didn't have an orange one, only an orange and white one. I almost took it, but then decided to wait. Then, not an hour later, I went to the Dollar Store and there was someone there with a box of kittens too! And two of them were orange... Snap! I felt like the universe was saying HERE'S YOUR KITTY! So even though they were girl kitties, I took one.
Her name is Arya, from Arya Stark of Winterfell in the Game of Thrones books. Denise and I both fell in love with the character and it seemed the perfect name. The Arya from the books is a real little scrapper, and this little girl that we have is living up to her name for sure. The boys are not happy at all that there's a new cat in the house, and they've been using my bedroom as the "man cave" but Ari has learned how to barge her way into the man cave which causes lots of hissing and batting of paws. She's pretty fearless and has even smacked back at Bid when he smacked her. She's decided that Deni is her mom and she sleeps on her every night. She's SO adorable, I just can't help but smile when I look at her.
So we are a full house now. When we get a kitty, we have them for life. I'm a little nervous about having a girl, though. I've never had a girl so I don't know if there's anything different about them. I just want to get her fixed asap and hopefully that will be all I need to do.
Please excuse the tv in the background. The voice is Deni.
Love.
What an adorable kitty! I have 5 cats...one of which is a big orange girl named baby. She was so tiny...she was a stray and we thought she was an older kitten but when we took her for shots they said she was already over a year old. She really plumped up after being spayed.
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