Wednesday, July 27, 2011

April 5th, 2011 - Just Breathe

Tomorrow is THE first day of this whole thing. I have to go for my anesthesia Pre-Op at 10am, then over to the lab for blood work, then across the street to turn in my bank statements to the financial bloodsuckers. Then maybe lunch if we have time. At 1:30 it's back to the cancer center next to Shands to nuclear medicine for my lymphocintigraphy, aka the shots that hurt like hell.

I'm feeling calm, really calm, and I haven't had any xanax since last night. I don't know why or how I'm feeling this calm, I'm just praying to any god, goddess, ancestors, flying spaghetti monster that this calmness stays with me until the moment I get those shots. The way I'm feeling right now, I'm halfway in the mood to look at the nuclear tech tomorrow and say "You think you scare me? Bring it" but the last time I did that when I got a tooth pulled, he brought it big time and I was in pain for the next month. So I'll settle for calm. Just let me be calm. This will NOT be as bad as I'm making it in my mind. I can do this. I just hope the techs aren't embarassed if I yell "Sonofabitch!"....LOL. They'll probably say "Well, that's a first"!

Calm. Calmness. Breathe. Surrounded by love. Tomorrow at this time it will be over... then the surgery. I'm more scared of tomorrow than I am of the surgery. Weird, huh? I figure I'll be asleep Thursday so what's the big deal.

Thursday will deal with itself. Right now it's about tomorrow.

I have calmness at the center of my being.

Deep breath.

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