Wednesday, July 27, 2011

April 19th, 2011 - It's Getting Real

So far after I've gone to a dermatologist to have a mole removed, this is what's happened:

1. They called to tell me the mole was malignant melanoma, the deadliest form of skin cancer.
2. They sent me to a surgeon and an oncologist.
3. the surgeon scheduled me for surgery, the oncologist talked about possible treatments after we get more info.
4. I had a lymphocintigraphy which are radioactive shots that hurt like hell in the mole region of my chest to see which lymph nodes that area goes to.
5. I had surgery on my chest to remove more of the mole area, and I had a lymph node under my arm removed.
5. Pathology results no cancer in my chest area, but cancer was evident in my lymph nodes in the one they removed.

Now today nuclear medicine called saying my surgeon has scheduled a PET scan. I've done enough research by now that I know this is the next step and it's to make sure cancer hasn't spread elsewhere in my body. I've also been informed my surgeon will want to do another surgery to remove the rest of the lymph nodes under my arm.

I have an appt with the surgeon tomorrow to discuss this, and she'll probably schedule my lymph node surgery for next week. Then I go to Nuclear Medicine to schedule my PET scan. Then I go to my oncologist to see where he wants to go in terms of immunotherapy, chemo, radiation, etc.

So tomorrow should be just full of fun.

My chest incision doesn't seem to be healing as well as it should, but who am I, not a surgeon. It seems to be weeping alot in the past couple of days, and you can clearly see where the surgical glue on the top layer of skin has failed and the wound has pulled apart some. Everyone says it just means I'll have a more prominent scar. I still have the compression bra on, after almost 2 weeks. When I take it off, the weight of my boobages pulls the incision down and it hurts. This is one of those times I wish I was flat chested.

I had a black folder that the hospital gave me to keep all my forms and things in, and I called it the black cancer folder of doom, but then I blinged out the front of it, attaching all kinds of sparkly stickers to it, and now it's the blinged folder of fabulousness. I guess I'll need to start a list of more questions to ask tomorrow and put it in my folder.

This is all getting a little too real and I admit now... I'm getting scared. I think... I think my life is in danger. I think I need to fight. I think I need to gather those people around me that understand and that encourage me to hang in there, while offering me a hug and a shoulder at the same time.

I want to go tomorrow to get more info, but I'm scared to go, too.
I'm just...scared.

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