April 4th, 2011 - Tick tock tick tock

I was doing ok today until I started looking at some Melanoma sites online. I was looking for some different support groups, but got caught up in treatments, peoples' stories, worst case scenarios, etc, and I had a panic attack and had to run over to mom. Anyone's that's had the diagnosis of cancer knows what it's like.... that certain panic. And sometimes only another person who's gone through it can "talk you down". To her credit Deni, who has been through her own medical hell, has been great, but sometimes you just want your momma, ya know?

I want this week over with. I want to know what I'm dealing with, what the future will hold. How many surgeries will I end up having total, will I have complications, will I have to have chemical treatments, clinical trials, radiation. Will my recovery be worse than I ever imagined? Will it be easier? Will I look back on this one week from now and laugh?

God I hate this waiting.