Well it's been a while since I've written here. I guess there's no reason, just trying to do what everyone says and "get on with my life". I don't mean that to sound bitter, but sometimes you want to tell people your life will NEVER be the same, so stop trying to push it.
I just finished another round of PET scan and brain MRI and thankfully they were both clear. Met with my oncologist, checked my lymph nodes, general exam, gave me more pain pills for my arm, the usual. That's officially almost a year and a half NED. I was feeling very fortunate until...
I had a normal appt with my primary doctor and he found I had blood in my stool (yeah, giving a stool sample? One of THE most unpleasant things I've ever had to do). Because of the fact that I have Melanoma, he is referring me to a gastroenterologist and suggesting I have a colonoscopy and a sygmoidoscopy. I know they will give me something to partially knock me out, but I'm still very nervous about it. First, I have a very strong gag reflex and the thought of them putting a camera down my throat really freaks me out. Secondly, my primary said it was important to have these tests done to rule out "possible melanoma metastasis". Yeah... the M word. No, not Melanoma, although I hate that one too. I mean Metastasis. The word that means the real battle for my life will begin. I don't ever want to hear that word regarding me, even though I know the odds are against me. I still want more time.
Doesn't everyone always say that? Any cancer patient will say "I'm not done, I want more time". I envy my grandmother. She was an angel of a woman, everyone loved her. One day, in her early 60's, she went to have lunch with friends at a local diner. In the middle of lunch, as she was laughing at something one of her friends said, she keeled over dead of a heart attack. I couldn't imagine a better way to go....laughing with friends. Except going while asleep could be good too.
I won't have the two procedures done until December because my parents are going on a month long trip in November, and my mom wants to be with me. I have to say, as much as I wish my mom would stop living in denial regarding my cancer, she's still there with me every single step of the way, every time I have anything done. She's still Mama Bear that doesn't want anyone hurting her little cub. And I am grateful for it. I am also grateful for the Bad Ass Melanoma Warriors on Facebook. They all have it, so they all get it. Got it?
As a favor to me, if you don't have Melanoma, go get your skin checked for the holidays. Consider it a Christmas gift to yourself. It just might save your life.
